BLOGGER’S BOWL OF VOMIT EARNS ACCOLADES, CAUSES CONCERN

TAMPA, FL – Blogger MealsAndMiles received overwhelming praise today after she posted a photograph of vomit on her popular “healthy living” blog.

Ms. MAM had just finished “an awesome four mile run” and was assembling her morning breakfast bowl – which included oats, whole grain cereal, a crumbled blueberry muffin, a sweet potato, sliced peaches, raisins, feta cheese, almond butter, ketchup and a runny egg – when she was suddenly overcome by a fit of nausea and vomited into the bowl.

According to Nicholas Byle, a senior fellow at the nonprofit Center For Bloggers Who Can’t Cook Good, And Want To Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, Ms. MAM’s reaction is an all-too-common one.

“These bloggers, they feel far too much pressure to be ‘unique’ and create ‘original’ recipes,” explained Byle.  ”The reality is that certain foods just don’t belong together.  There’s a reason human beings have been creating similar combinations of flavors for the span of our existence on earth.  It’s common sense.”

Ms. MAM responded to the incident with a written statement.

“At first, I didn’t understand it,” she wrote.  ”I mean, I’m like totally known for putting together wierd [sic] combinations of food.  You probly [sic] don’t know but…it’s kind of my thing.  It’s completely wierd [sic] to me that it would make me naseus [sic].”

But Ms. MAM decided to keep an open mind about it.

“I mean, everyone in the world puts chia seeds in their food, and those are wierd [sic]things that grow sprouts,” continued the statement.  ”And we’re suppose [sic] to think a little backwash and bile is any worse?  Like…no way.”

After taking several minutes to post an update to Twitter about the blunder, Ms. MAM photographed the bowl from several different angles and posted it to her blog. Caption: “Woopssss! You win some, you loose [sic] some!”

Confirming that there really is no food too bizarre to be admired by people on the internet, the comments began to roll in immediately.

“It’s not necessarily what I’d normally eat for breakfast, but it actually looks delicious!” admitted Amber, who blogs at AmberLuvsHealthyFood.com.

“That’s what I love about MealsAndMyles [sic]!” said blogger Katy, of KatyTheKandyLady.com, “She’s so honest and unconventional. Whereas most of us would throw out the dish and start again from scratch, she goes right ahead and posts it, vomit and all! She’s just like, so real, you know?”

One reader anonymously pointed out that vomit is not only “gross, but also contains highly acidic gastric secretions and is unsafe for eating.” The comment was quickly deleted.

Throughout the day, many other healthy living bloggers began posting their own vomit bowls, citing Ms. MAM as their inspiration.

Some experts fear that a viral internet meme may emerge around the idea of constructing a vessel of food so revolting that it prompts the creator to vomit into it – thus increasing its disgustingness, and hence its sadistic appeal.

“This idea, as a whole, is really far more fearsome than, say, LeAnne Rimes getting skinny,” said Candace McGristle, Vice President of the National Eating Weirdness Association.

“As far as NEWA is concerned, this MealsAndMiles woman is a credible threat to the women of this country,” McGristle continued.  ”She should be stopped immediately.”

Byle agreed that something needs to be done about the situation.

“It’s a sad case study on the state of America’s taste in food,” sighed Byle.  ”I’m hosting a tweet-up this evening at a local wine bar and all anyone wants to know is where the best lighting will be and whether there will be WiFi.”

POSSESSIVE APOSTROPHE SUES BLOGGER FOR DEFAMATION

OREM, UT–The Possessive Apostrophe has filed suit against blogger Hungry Runner Girl in the Fourth District Court of Utah this morning, citing defamation of character, The Organic Onion has learned.

The often-misused punctuation mark is seeking unspecified damages along with an immediate cease-and-desist.

“My client has suffered enormously at the hands of uninformed and sloppy bloggers,” said Joseph Farmer, the Salt Lake City attorney bringing the suit on the behalf of the Possessive Apostrophe.  ”The recent posting activity of Ms. HRG, including one instance where my client was egregiously and gratuitously inserted in both the post title and the first sentence, was simply the last straw.”

The apostrophe that broke the camel's back.

[screenshot: www.hungryrunnergirl.com]

“I think this lawsuit will send an important message to bloggers, amateur writers and even so-called professional writers everywhere,” said the Omission Apostrophe, a close cousin of the Plaintiff, best known for his role in forming common contractions such as don’t, won’t, and shouldn’t.

“These bloggers throw apostrophes around like confetti,” he continued.  ”I’m tired of seeing my likeness tarnished like that. I don’t even like waffles.”

Ms. HRG – who, perhaps ironically, is a high school teacher – could not be reached for comment.  However, on her blog, among numerous photos of frozen yogurt and portraits posed with salad, she pleads: “Just don’t get too frustrated with all of my grammatical errors.”

“We’ll see who will be the judge of that,” said Mr. Farmer.  ”Um.  I guess that would be a judge.”